Devoted lady's maid to the Countess of Grantham thank you very much; friend and confidante and not at all with inappropriate feelings for her lady. Good with a needle and thread and always looking forward to the next cigarette with Thomas.
Machiavellian Machinations
“But I am sure,” Cora blurted immediately, blinking in confusion and staring at Sarah for a moment. She hadn’t been sure for twenty goddamn years, or maybe she had been sure but she had been too much of a coward to admit it, but now she was ready. Completely and utterly ready – hadn’t she just proved that to her?! It was the first time she had ever kissed her in public, without a single care for whether there was a camera lingering around the corner just waiting to take a scandalous photo, but Richard Carlisle himself could be sitting at the next table right now and she would still kiss her! She wanted a life together, a home together, everything she had always wanted to share with the other woman but had denied them both before but she was done being selfish. Her reputation really was meaningless when one considered the happiness she knew she could have with Sarah.
“What do you think, Robert’s going to buy me a new piece of jewellery and I’m going to change my mind?” The thought stung her more than she cared to admit and she pushed back the wave of overwhelming sadness, but it still showed on her face. “I love you Sarah! I’m willing to give everything up for you and I know it’s been a long time in coming but this is what I want! I thought it was what we wanted.”
“What we wanted?” Sarah snapped angrily, unable to control the annoyance at Cora being indignant at her when she had spring this on her after so many years of faffing around and expected her, as always to just roll over and do as she was told. Still, despite that anger she was unable to pull her hand away just yet and instead sighed as she looked down at the table in anguish.
“It was what I wanted when we started out and you said you wanted but never actually did anything about. And I know you had the girls but I had James and it’s not like we’re living in the dark ages love, I’m sure your girls would have understood.”
She blinked back the tears that were threatening to form and reached for her glass, taking a healthy swing of red wine to bolster her nerves but she spoke quietly, sadly, and without any real force.
“You can’t just keep changing the goalposts like this and expect me to move with you.”
Cora smiled indulgently as Sarah’s mirth but she could see the confusion behind her eyes, and frankly she didnt blame her. They had been lovers for over ten years and not once had she brought up the question of marriage. There had been no point before - her children had been too young to be abandoned by their mother and there had at least been a spark of warmth between her and Robert then. But the girls had lives of their own now and it was time for her to start one of her own, away from the press and the public: a happy life, not a mere façade of happiness.
“I don’t need to be widowed to marry you, Sarah.”
She looked to their joint hands, stroking her fingers over the back of her hand and contemplating for a moment just how much she loved this woman. She should have done this sooner: she was a coward not to have done this sooner, and Sarah was a fool for waiting, but all that mattered now was that she had and Cora had years to make it up to her lover.
She shuffled closer, wincing at the sound of her chair dragging along the floor but disregarding it. She had something much more important to do!
“I can’t promise it’s going to happen tomorrow, or even next month. But some time in the next year I am going to divorce Robert.”
The words ricocheted around her head for a good few moments of utter silence before they finally began to make some kind of sense to Sarah’s addled mind. Had she drunk too much? It was the only explanation that made sense because Cora had spent the best part of a decade making excuses for why she would never be able to leave Robert and she wasn’t going to just change her mind utterly in the space of one week was she…but surely that was what she was saying?
“You…want to be with me?”
She looked between where Cora’s lips were pressing against her fingers and Cora’s eyes that looked so sure about their future and inviting her to believe that this was real. Cora wouldn’t toy with her about something like this, she had never been cruel even if she had sometimes hurt her without realising it but this was the biggest advancement their relationship had theoretically managed in a decade. It had certainly be a long time coming!
“Properly like? You’d actually divorce him after so long? I thought,” she smiled wryly, without malice but not without some long held irritation. “That it just wasn’t practical?”
Cora winced. She’d always believed that before – the idea of divorcing Robert and starting a life with Sarah had always been a wonderful dream but a dream nonetheless and one she had never anticipated would come true because it hadn’t been practical. She had her daughter’s to think of, Robert’s heart to consider, and the public reaction should she – what was the term? – come out after so long. Robert’s feelings would always be important to her, but they were nowhere near as close as they’d been when she and Sarah had first fallen into each other’s arms, and the girls’ feelings were the most important thing in the world to her but they were adults now! It would be silly to cling onto the tatters of her marriage because her daughters might not like it. And as for the public reaction…well, what did that matter? Scandal or no scandal a life with Sarah O’Brien, a proper life, was worth everything and she squeezed Sarah’s hand, pulling her in for a slow, soft kiss.
“I don’t care anymore. I want to be with you openly. I want to live with you and marry you and,” her lips quirked up in a smirk, “maybe we could even get kittens?”
Sarah wished she was the sort of woman that could take the honest and heart-warming admissions of love for what they were and simply be pleased that the hope she had nurtured for nearly twenty years was finally a possibility, but instead she felt dejected. This wouldn’t end well, things never did for her and Cora and her loved might say this now but a week later Robert would have stopped being an arse and brought her something shiny and Cora would be having second thoughts again.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea just yet love,” she squeezed Cora’s hand sadly and tried to ignore how huge the enormity of Cora kissing her in public was. It was the first time she’d ever done it, or at least the first time she’d ever kissed her willingly when there wasn’t a convenient wall or door to hide behind but she couldn’t let herself get carried away. She’d been hurt before after all and she didn’t want to start telling her son he was about to get someone new in his life only for her to vanish again. Nevertheless her heart couldn’t help but be warmed by the eagerness on Cora’s face – it was so very like her to decree that their first act as a proper couple would be something as benign as getting kittens, when they had spent the best part of twenty years sharing all their emotions and none of the trivialities of life together.
“Maybe we should wait till you’re sure.”
downton-abbey-rp asked: Hi there, dear! I assume you're still interested in keeping Rosamund...? (; Just trying to reconnect with everyone here! Hope all's well! x
I am indeed!
Cora smiled indulgently as Sarah’s mirth but she could see the confusion behind her eyes, and frankly she didnt blame her. They had been lovers for over ten years and not once had she brought up the question of marriage. There had been no point before - her children had been too young to be abandoned by their mother and there had at least been a spark of warmth between her and Robert then. But the girls had lives of their own now and it was time for her to start one of her own, away from the press and the public: a happy life, not a mere façade of happiness.
“I don’t need to be widowed to marry you, Sarah.”
She looked to their joint hands, stroking her fingers over the back of her hand and contemplating for a moment just how much she loved this woman. She should have done this sooner: she was a coward not to have done this sooner, and Sarah was a fool for waiting, but all that mattered now was that she had and Cora had years to make it up to her lover.
She shuffled closer, wincing at the sound of her chair dragging along the floor but disregarding it. She had something much more important to do!
“I can’t promise it’s going to happen tomorrow, or even next month. But some time in the next year I am going to divorce Robert.”
The words ricocheted around her head for a good few moments of utter silence before they finally began to make some kind of sense to Sarah’s addled mind. Had she drunk too much? It was the only explanation that made sense because Cora had spent the best part of a decade making excuses for why she would never be able to leave Robert and she wasn’t going to just change her mind utterly in the space of one week was she…but surely that was what she was saying?
“You…want to be with me?”
She looked between where Cora’s lips were pressing against her fingers and Cora’s eyes that looked so sure about their future and inviting her to believe that this was real. Cora wouldn’t toy with her about something like this, she had never been cruel even if she had sometimes hurt her without realising it but this was the biggest advancement their relationship had theoretically managed in a decade. It had certainly be a long time coming!
“Properly like? You’d actually divorce him after so long? I thought,” she smiled wryly, without malice but not without some long held irritation. “That it just wasn’t practical?”
Cora smiled softly, stroking her thumb over Sarah’s hand reassuringly. She didn’t want her lover thinking something was wrong because it was far from wrong: she had just had a marvellous meal, she had escaped from the pressures of her career, and she was here with the woman she loved and she had something very important to ask her. She was confident enough in Sarah’s love that her answer would be positive and she took advantage of their secluded corner of the restaurant to raise the other woman’s hands to her lips, brushing them tenderly over her knuckles.
She had thought this through quite extensively. The girls were old enough now it would be foolish to think they still needed her. And as for Robert…they hadn’t been happy for some time and perhaps this would give them both the chance they deserved to be happy? She had already found her happiness and perhaps Robert had found his in Jane, but they had had almost twenty years together and she wouldn’t forget a single one of them.
“Enough to marry me someday?” she asked after a moment, entwining their fingers and resting their hands against the table.
“Marry you?” Sarah boggled for a moment, drawing her thumb idly over the back of Cora’s hand whilst she tried to process the thoroughly odd question. It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about the life she and Cora might have together - far from it, she’d thought of little else for well over a decade now - but when she’d thought about the future it had involved increasingly less covert dinners and the possibility that one day Robert Crawley would bugger off for long enough that she and Cora might get to spend Christmas and bank holidays and things together. At no point had she ever thought of marriage.
“We’d have a job wouldn’t we? Unless you know something about your ‘usband’s state of health that you’ve not told the press yet?”
She grinned to cover up the sudden nerves that were assaulting her. Why was Cora teasing her with talk like this? It wasn’t like it could ever happen, quite apart from anything else, they both had children to think of, Cora still had a husband and Sarah doubted her ex-husband would be overly thrilled although it was none of his sodding business anyway. And to top it all off their was the press to think of and what a field day they’d have if they found out Cora was shacking up with her assistant!
She could see the headlines now: ‘LONGTERM LEVINSON LESBIAN’ or something equally ridiculous.
I really can’t express how AMAZED I am that Cora has somehow become the Catelyn Stark of the Downton fandom - a character that is completely bashed by fans of the fucking woobie pretty male boy just because she has entirely legitimate mixed feelings about him at times.
I mean, this isn’t a bash of Matthew - although my saying that sounds about as genuine as the people that say “this isn’t a bash of Cora” before going on to complain about her in favour of other characters doesn’t it? - but talking about Cora’s reaction to him as though that makes her a bitch is just stupid. She doesn’t take a shine to him immediately? Well I’m sorry but some random dude I’ve never met just rocked up and it turned out he was going to inherit everything instead of my own children I’m not immediately going to love him. Her daughter claims to be over him and has a new beau, and he brings a perfectly nice girl to Downton that Cora wants him to just marry already so Mary can ACTUALLY get over him already. This does not make her a bad person. It might make her a practical one but I fail to see how that’s a bad thing tbh.
I don’t want to go into all the reasons and make a big thing of it but it’s just pissing me off more and more. I mean, I make no secret of being an O’Brien fan and even SHE doesn’t get this amount of crap for stuff she doesn’t deserve. Cora wants the best for her girls and frankly, if you want to be pissy about her treatment of one of them then defend Edith ffs. She basically ignored her after all.
Oh and while we’re on the subject, maybe Cora wasn’t all that bothered about Mary losing Matthew because, oh I don’t know, a fucking WAR had broken out and, oh yeah, she’d just had a late-in-life miscarriage that the show never really deals with and that must have been the most devastating thing that’s ever happened to her!
Cora arched a brow, torn between amusement, lust and indignation, but most of all frustration at the fact she couldn’t simply dive over the table and drag Sarah onto it and have her wicked way with her here and now. They would have to wait for that, but she had completely cleared her schedule in anticipation; Robert didn’t even expect her home tonight! That one had been harder to explain but she suspected he was much too occupied with Jane to care, so she hoped to god Sarah’s sister had gone back to Scouthead as scheduled. The last thing they needed on the first night she had been able to escape in nearly two months was Sarah’s sister hanging around the flat, no matter how adorable and lovely she was. She wanted Sarah out of her clothes the minute they stepped through the door and Julie O’Brien didn’t need to see that.
“I do, darling!” She took a good look to illustrate her point, her eyes lingering on the exquisite swells of Sarah’s breasts with a soft smirk. “They’re practically bursting out.”
Flirting was all well and good – and she was enjoying herself immensely as usual – but she had brought Sarah here for a reason, for a long overdue conversation. Their recent argument had jolted her into action and she was ready now, or at least as ready as she would ever be.
“Darling, you love me, don’t you?”
Sarah frowned for a moment, confused by the odd question but eager to find out where Cora was going with this. A week or so ago they had shared cross words, the only cross words they had ever shared in their entire relationship, even in the many years before they had become lovers, but all of that was behind them wasn’t it and Sarah knew she was just going to have to lump being the bit on the side of a Countess until such time as…what? Robert Crawley died of being a tedious bastard or the press stopped caring who the Countess of Grantham was taking to her bed. The former was likely to come sooner but not soon enough for them to be able to spend a life together properly. Still, rather half of Cora than none of her.
“Of course I do love, you know I do.”
She forgot about her attempts to make herself fall out of her dress for Cora’s pleasure and instead moved the things on their table strategically until she could reach across and take the other woman’s hand in her. Whatever had prompted Cora to turn their pleasant evening conversation serious was obviously something that had been pressing on her for a moment and Sarah hated the thought of her festering away her problems. If nothing else she was still her assistant and she supposed it was her job to take Cora’s worries onto herself.
It wasn’t often Cora Crawley was able to evade the press but this month the spotlight was on her daughter and her recent dalliance with Sir Richard Carlisle, and she was not about the waste the opportunity. Still, one couldn’t be too careful so she had booked a table at some low key place that Rosamund had told her about - presumbly one of her many haunts - and felt more than a little proud that she had finally, it had been months since the last time, managed to pull off dinner in a restaurant with the woman she loved.
They were seated in the corner, practically hidden from sight, and as usual Rosamund’s taste had astounded them: the food was divine, the service second to none, and they hadn’t been interrupted, not once, and that had to be a record! She would have to make sure her sister-in-law knew just how grateful she was, but for now her attention was focused entirely on Sarah O’Brien and just how unfair it was that she was wearing the low-cut, red dress she liked so much and they were in public for once when she was wearing it.
“You wore that dress on purpose,” she accused lightly, eying Sarah over the rim of her wine glass.
Sarah raised her eyebrow in amusement at the other woman and affected a look of supreme innocence as she surveyed the liquors menu, trying to decide whether it was a coffee, brandy or ice cream sort of night. She immediately disregarded coffee - even if she got to go home with Cora she was hardly going to fall asleep on her - and if she had brandy then so would Cora and then her lover might well fall asleep on her!
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I just threw on the nearest thing after you told me you were abducting me tonight.”
She handed the menu back to the waiter with instructions to bring her something vanilla with a rum sauce before smirking at Cora in satisfaction, leaning over the table to press her chest forwards and greatening her cleavage. It was so easy to wind Cora up when they were out – the few occasions they go that was – and if she played her cards right then she might be able to commandeer Cora for the night and that thought made her smile wider than she had all day.
“And I’m falling out of it after all that food,” she nodded her head down towards her chest with a curl of her lips. “See?”
Wow, thanks for all of the follows! To be honest, I didn’t expect to get any. I know 18 followers isn’t a lot by most standards, but it is for me.
So, thanks again!
Well I like your Edith/Thomas heavy platform and therefore I would vote for you…y’know…if this was a fictional vote for president or something.
